Walk Out
by Shade Embry
Summary: Day 3. Songfic. They just couldn't be for real.


Walk Out

Summary: Day 3. Liz and Jack reevaluate who they are and if they can take the strain of what they've become.

Spoilers: Day 3 – 2-3 A.M.

Rating: PG for language. 

Standard disclaimers apply.

Original Character Bio: Liz Rycoff, after surviving the first two days, no longer works at CTU. Instead, she took over Mason's position after he died, in order to protect CTU from another annoying bureaucratic panic, but she's not really qualified. Still, she soldiers on. Liz was close friends with Mason, but now all she really has left is Jack. The two of them started a relationship about a year after Day 2, but it's kind of going slowly. She also had a failed non-relationship of sorts with Tony between Day 1 and Day 2, and Tony's intervention made Liz realize that in trying to save everyone, she ended up getting lost.

Dedication: Kiefer, I think I speak for all "24" fans when I say we missed the heck out of you over hiatus. This one is for you, even if it's a bit hard on Jack.

Recommended Listening: Song of the same name by Matthew Sweet.

Jack:

-When you look into a mirror   
The reflection that you see   
Is a shell of what you were   
It's not who you want to be-

I'm losing her. I can't get the damn idea out of my head that she's gone.

I know she's not permanently gone – I know she's in the next room. But why is it that I can save the city, save the whole fucking world, and I always lose the people I care about? I lost my wife, I almost lost my daughter, and now Liz? No. No, this is not happening to me again. I am not letting her go, not like this, not now, not ever if I can help it. Never mind that I don't know how to hold on to her.

She's right. She's totally right. I should have told her. I told her I'd trust her, I told her I'd never leave her, and who do I tell, I tell Tony and Gael and I leave her blind. We've known each other for a decade, I trust her with my life, and I can't tell her the truth … if I can't talk to her about this, right now … doesn't she become Teri? Don't I shut her out like Teri?

Stop it, Jack.

You can't think of Liz as Teri. They are – she is – a separate person.

Is that it? Is that this whole problem? Am I looking into her eyes and now that we've crossed that line, am I trying to treat her like Teri? Am I going to be living that presidential primary day over and over again in my head for the rest of my life? I have to get past that. I have to if I'm going to accomplish anything. I've had five and a half years and I'm still standing here.

I need to figure this out now. I need to leave it behind me now. Worrying about Liz still being here does not help the city of Los Angeles battle the virus. She knows that. I should know that.

But… for God's sake, Kim was in elementary school when I met Liz. She was there for Kim's high school graduation. She was there when Teri and I renewed our vows. She was there when I went through the corruption case. I've nearly gotten myself killed and I've screwed up my life and she has always been there.

I need to change.

I want to go out there and take her into my arms and kiss her and tell her I'm sorry and that I will do whatever I can to make it right. And I'm standing here staring myself down in a bathroom mirror.

Can I change?

Nina's dead now. Teri's been gone a long time. If I can do this, today, maybe we might be able to start over. Unless it's already over in her heart. I'll never be able to change that. If she's given up on me … but if she hasn't, maybe after this there's a chance. A chance like there always was before and yet never seemed to really be.

I have to change.

But before that, I have to end this, and I have to do it today.

  
-But you're gonna change   
You've just about made up your mind   
You're gonna change   
And when you leave it all behind   
What will the past remember?   
What will the future bring?   
When you walk out   
When you walk out- 

****

Liz:  
  
-You were brought into this world   
With a head full of good ideas   
But the person you became   
Well you just couldn't be for real- 

I'm losing him. I'm losing him and this day and this whole damned war and who the hell am I anymore? I'm not Jack, I'm not George, and I'm trying to be both of them. Fuck. What the hell is wrong with me?

I made George a promise. I did what he told me: look at everything and make the best move. It was the best move – with me in place, nobody could touch Jack or Tony or Michelle or Kim without going through me first. Lives could get saved, things could get untangled. I knew I wasn't this. I kept telling myself time would deal with it. But I can't do this, not the way I'm supposed to be doing it. I need George to tell me what to do. I need him to tell me it's going to be okay.

I don't think it's going to be okay.

How do you stop a virus? It's airborne. You can't just get a giant vacuum and filter the air in Los Angeles. We need that air to live. It gets through one crack in one wall and we're all corpses by tomorrow. I'm yelling orders and I'm running around in circles and I swear to God it feels like there's nothing I can really do, and I hate that feeling. I feel sick just thinking about it.

We could all be dead tomorrow and I'm sitting at my desk thinking about whether or not I get back together with my boyfriend. Isn't there something else I should be doing? 

Not really.

Jack is always more important than all of this. No sense in pretending otherwise. The whole damn world knows the way my mind works. I mean, that's just the way I am. There's everyone else and there's Jack Bauer.

If we could all be dead I shouldn't be pissed at him like this. We should be together, the two of us and Kim. We should be spending this time together and we should be going down fighting together. Now Jack and I are too busy fighting each other. I'm sure he had his reasons for not telling me, but … what does he want from me? I can't be that blind. I can't. He knows I'm a soldier, same as he is. I've been on the inside. He doesn't have to hide from me.

But he does.

If I could take his pain away…

And aren't I hiding, too? I'm pretending to be this important District Director when all I really am is a computer hacker who happened to know somebody vaguely higher up. I'm thinking I can do this job and live this life when I keep expecting George to walk in the door and take it all back. Sometimes I wish he could.

Things have to be … things can't end like this. This would be the most worthless ending of them all. 

I guess it's up to me to make things right. I have to find Jack and make things right. And then we have to find an answer.  
  
-But you're gonna change   
You've just about made up your mind   
You're gonna change   
And when you leave it all behind   
What will the past remember?   
What will the future bring?   
When you walk out   
When you walk out- 

****

Jack walked out of the restroom and could easily identify the back of Liz's head across the CTU bullpen. Knowing time was short, he wasted no time in heading straight over. When he put his hands on her shoulders, though, she jumped. She'd never done that before. It made him tense. He didn't let on.

"Liz, you have a second?"

She nodded without otherwise moving. "Yeah. Just a few." She ignored the look from her assistant that said she was clearly lying. If Jack noticed, he kept that to himself.

The two of them walked off of the CTU bullpen floor. A handful of people, mostly old friends, watched them go. It was no real secret or surprise, aside from the higher-ups, as to what was going on between the two of them. It was just a matter of time, or in this case, a matter of time quickly running out.

As soon as they were alone, Jack took Liz's hand in his and waited for her to meet his eyes. "Liz…"

"…Jack, don't apologize."

"…I'm not letting you walk out of my life, Liz. That can't happen. I need you."

She swallowed, momentarily stunned into silence. They hardly ever said words like those. They tried to avoid them for just this reason – that on days like these, they could become meaningless so fast. "Jack, I … I have to get my head straight. I've gotta do that. You can't do it for me."

"I've got to go out there," he reminded her, "but when it's over, tell me we'll still be here. Tell me we'll try."

Liz sighed. "I don't want to think about over yet, Jack. At all. Nothing's over. Not yet."

He caught both meanings of her sentence, and nodded. They stood there in the silence for a moment. It would be the last of these moments they'd have for a long while. 

Then without another word they parted and went their separate ways, each looking back at the other only once, knowing change was far from over itself. Nothing would ever be the same again.  
  
-But you're gonna change   
You've just about made up your mind   
You're gonna change   
And when you leave it all behind   
What will the past remember?   
What will the future bring?   
When you walk out-


End file.
